Tuesday, June 8

downsides of going to highschool in a college town

1.your name looks so good on paper and the poems that follow make me nostalgic for something i never had kinda like how i always wanted to go home but home was never physically real; i think there must be wax paper covering the insides and outsides of my body and the mix of urgency and bleakness is melting and fusing the paper and i together
i can't see beyond the sunspots seeping through orange eyelids, i can't see beyond this futuristic june i can't see whats happening in anyone else's heart
or in wyoming
or down the street
i can't see how many people died today, and maybe i'd like to be able to,
maybe i need to see what they thought about last

2. maybe it's that i'm not smart enough, or that i need the years to move faster than my mind because i've lived less time than you and i want to catch up so i can be your friend;
we can make hot dogs on sundays or sip cocktails fast on wednesdays or cry on saturday evenings after we are reminded of the things that break hearts .
i need to become less sad or scared or something but i don't think we can ever become good again and maybe i even hope we don't because the only memories i miss are the saddest ones .

3. the biggest problem is that when i'm drunk i feel like an uncouth fool, i feel like an off colored joke; for once, i need to meet you when my senses are still acute because i don't know you yet, i don't know about your ex-girlfriends and your mother and the things inside you, i just know the look in your eye because it's similar to the look in the eyes of people i've loved, disillusionment having lost its freshness, now it's just tired but i know we keep waking up for something


No comments: