Thursday, July 8

we are/i am , pacing amongst thousands and millions of other lonely humans.

mundane activities increase in the summer. they plead for company the most, as the passing of time is fatal.
i was always lonely in the shower . always.
and i was always aware of my shortcomings that are a result of being still only a kid. those feelings made time slow and stretched it thin across short periods, almost unbearable, but nevertheless bittersweet; perfect for nostalgia to be felt in the future.
summer led to too much time to sit and think
which led to too much time to be drunk
which led to too many conversations in which i butcher my thoughts and express them, prematurely in crude formats.
these poisons of the idleness of summer-bodies led to the worst moment:
re-realizing i've only ever really known the loneliest people
i'm drawn in to them and expect to find comfort in the shared trait, but there are moments when you lay right next to them and feel they're just as lonely as they were without you;

my stomach sinks
i can smell my own fear